Whiter Than Snow
by Screaming Faeries
Summary: Barty is clinging onto a lifelong secret that has ruined his life, and possibly his future. A niggle in the back of his head tries to convince him that Regulus is just the same - but surely that's not true? M for themes of sexual abuse.


**WC:** 2,224

 **Written for:**

\- QLFC Round 6: Write about a dark character demonstrating the virtue of CHASTITY.

\- The Restriction Challenge - Shelf 2: (guideline) Write a romance.

* * *

' _The heavens raped  
from our misuse of love.'_

* * *

 **i  
** **Sundance**

Barty cringed inwardly as Regulus's fingers danced across the back of his hand. He wanted to believe that the goosebumps rose on his skin were because of adolescent excitement; because he wanted nothing more than to feel Regulus's skin against his. But if he forced himself to believe that, it would be a lie. The truth was, Barty couldn't _bear_ the sensation of being touched. But he wasn't about to tell Regulus that, particularly not when the other boy seemed so happy.

They were sitting at the top of Hampstead Heath, overlooking Camden. It was a particularly lovely summer's day; the sun was just bright enough for them to not need sunscreen, and the air was just warm enough to leave a jumper at home. Regulus's hair was blowing in the gentle wind, and his eyes were crinkled as he squinted at the sun. A small smile played on his lips, and Barty wanted nothing more than to reach over and kiss those lips, over and over again.

But he couldn't. There wasn't a shred of confidence left in him that would allow him to do so.

* * *

 **ii  
** **Ghost**

 _He was just thirteen when it happened._

" _Crouch," snarled one of the older Slytherin boys, Avery, as Barty made his way onto the Slytherin bleachers. His best friend, Regulus Black, was playing his first Quidditch match as Seeker today, and he had promised he wouldn't miss it, even though he abhorred Quidditch. Not just because he disliked flying or the sport, but because the field and bleachers would be full of other students, and Barty much preferred being alone._

 _Sitting in the Slytherin Common Room while the rest of the school was at the Quidditch match had seemed like a lovely idea_ _—_ _but he wasn't going to let his best, and only friend down._

" _Avery," Barty replied, trying to sound nonchalant and breezy. Instead, his voice came out like a strangled squeak - the dark look on Avery's face suggested that Barty had done something terrible to irritate him. The problem was, Barty didn't yet know what it was._

" _My father was sent to Azkaban this morning," he snapped, folding his arms across his chest. "Would you happen to know anything about that?"_

 _Honestly, Barty didn't. But it didn't take him long to put two and two together. He just wished that his classmates wouldn't assume that he and his father were two sides of the same coin_ _—_ _or that his father would refrain from sending his classmates' fathers to Azkaban. At least until he left school. "I_ _—_ _"_

"— _You know what, I don't want to hear it," interrupted Avery. His dark eyes suddenly glittered mischievously. "Meet me in the Slytherin Common Room tonight at midnight. We'll talk about it then." He was about to push past Barty to go and rejoin his friends, but he stooped down so that he could whisper maliciously in his ear; "and don't even think about skipping out on me, Crouch."_

oOo

Regulus put his arm around Barty's shoulders and pressed a chaste kiss to his temple. Every movement, every shift of weight, every breath that ghosted across Barty's skin made him shiver with anxiety. He was dreading the time that would no doubt come; the words that would surely soon leave Regulus's mouth. _He wasn't ready to be intimate yet._ Frankly, Barty wasn't sure if he would ever be ready.

"Are you okay?" Regulus asked curiously, leaning back so that he could get a better look at Barty. Barty knew that his rigid composure was obvious, and the smile that he had plastered to his face definitely looked fake, but he had hoped that Regulus would overlook it. _Not that he really cares,_ the nasty little voice in Barty's head chided. _He only wants to fuck you._

Barty nodded furiously, as if he could shake the voice out of his head by doing so. "Just a little cold," Barty replied, even though he could feel beads of perspiration beginning to form on his forehead.

oOo

 _Barty hadn't really known what to expect. He had entered the common room at midnight, as ordered by Avery. He'd taken a seat in front of the flickering green flames, waiting for the older student to arrive. When the clock on the mantle told him it was quarter past, he had yawned and stood up to go back to bed_ _—_ _but Avery was standing in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest and a sideways smirk playing on his lips._

" _Just get it over with," Barty said in an exasperated tone. "Beat me up, shove my head down the toilet_ _—_ _I don't care, just hurry up so I can go back to bed." His tiredness had given him a surge of confidence that he wouldn't have had earlier on in the day._

 _Avery laughed cruelly. "Shove your head down the toilet?" He edged closer, and Barty began to feel a lot like an a defenceless creature being stalked by it's hungry prey. "I just want you to apologise."_

" _Apologise for what?" Barty asked, raising an eyebrow. His hands clenched into fists as Avery continued to inch closer to him. He wasn't much of a fighter, but he would definitely try to defend himself if Avery tried anything._

" _For being a traitorous little shit!" Avery hissed. Suddenly, he pounced on Barty, sending him sprawling back onto the armchair, with the older boy planted on top of him. Avery's hands clenched around his neck, and Barty watched as his vision swam in front of him, as Avery choked the air out of his lungs. Just when he thought he was going to black out, Avery released him._

 _There was an odd, wet sensation skittering across his collarbone, and for a moment Barty thought he was dreaming. When he looked down, Avery's greasy dark head was positioned over his chest, and he was littering rough, wet kisses across his neck._

" _W-what are you doing?" murmured Barty, horrified. How had things taken such a drastic turn? Avery glared up at him, and reached out to clamp a hand over Barty's mouth. "Shut up, idiot," he hissed. "I'm going to make you pay for what you did to my father."_

* * *

 **iii  
** **Heartbeat**

Barty and Regulus walked back from the Heath as the sun was setting. Regulus was holding Barty's hand firmly, and Barty was desperately hoping he would let go. They were heading for Regulus's house, as his parents were out for the weekend.

 _He's going to do it to you,_ the voice sneered. It was getting louder and louder, with each step that they took. _He's going to hurt you. They_ always _want to hurt you._

 _You're wrong,_ Barty thought determinedly. Regulus was swinging his hand as they walked, and he occasionally looked back to smile at Barty. _You're completely wrong._

oOo

 _Barty spent weeks crying after Avery's attack on him. After the older Slytherin had pulled up his pyjama bottoms, he'd given Barty a quiet warning: if he told anyone, he would be dead._

 _Even though Barty believed him, he knew that he wouldn't have considered telling anyone anyway. For a start, he highly doubted anyone would believe him. And even if they did, telling a teacher would only cause him more bother. Avery had a lot of friends at Hogwarts, and all of those friends also had fathers who Barty's father had wronged in the past. It wasn't worth the hassle._

 _He had hoped that the trauma of what had been done to him would eventually settle, but it didn't. For weeks, he was woken up by terrifying nightmares, dreaming that Avery's horrible coarse hands were combing his body; that his sweaty skin was pressing against his; that his greasy, lank hair was hanging in his face. Sometimes he really_ was _woken up by Avery. Even though the boy never did anything to Barty again, he clearly never felt any remorse for his actions. He would often sneak up to Barty's dormitory in the dead of the night, just to wake him up. Avery had quickly learned that everything he did seemed to scare Barty, something that seemed to thrill him._

 _Everywhere Barty went, he saw Avery. Even in the faces of people that had nothing to do with Avery. When he was sitting in the library, he'd be convinced that a pair of glimmering brown eyes were spying him through the bookshelves. When he was at lunch, every dark-haired boy he looked at made his stomach somersault with nerves. There was no ending to it._

 _Barty assumed the fear would go when Avery graduated, but even then he never rested. He sometimes received letters; scraps of paper with a single 'A' scrawled on them. Avery was taunting him, even from afar._

 _The fear never left him._

oOo

Barty and Regulus sat on the couch for a while. Regulus had leaned back against the arm and pulled Barty towards him so that he was leaning against his chest. Barty had allowed this, and strangely, he didn't mind it. He had expected that the closeness to Regulus would cause him the same anxiety he had been feeling all day, but instead, Regulus's arms around his torso made him feel safe, and the steady, rhythmic beating of his heart in Barty's ears was oddly calming.

"I know you're worried about something," Regulus finally spoke in a soft voice. When Barty's posture stiffened, Regulus moved his hands so they rested on Barty's shoulders, and began to gently massage them. "Please talk to me."

"It's nothing," Barty whispered hoarsely. He wanted to turn around to look at Regulus, to try and convince him that he was fine, but he couldn't. He was terrified that if he met Regulus's dark grey eyes, he would collapse into tears.

"I don't believe you." Regulus paused. "Don't you trust me?"

Barty clenched his fists and looked down at his white knuckles. The truth was, he didn't trust him. He didn't trust _anyone,_ not after what Avery did to him. He wanted to trust Regulus—he _loved_ Regulus—but he had to keep his heart caged safely. It was the only way he wouldn't get hurt.

"I can't," Barty murmured. "I'm sorry."

"I know what he did to you," Regulus said abruptly. Barty suddenly launched away from Regulus, to the other side of the couch, glaring back at him.

"What?"

"I know what Avery did," Regulus tried to inch forward, and Barty was suddenly reminded of how Avery had edged towards him in the common room on that horrible night. "Barty—he wasn't exactly quiet about what he did. He told a few of his friends, and news ended up being passed down the line. Not everyone believed him, and of course no one would tell on him. Not with how half of the Slytherins felt about you, anyway."

"But you believed him?" whispered Barty.

Regulus's face was dark. "I knew something was wrong with you immediately after that day. Your face changed. No, _everything_ changed. You suddenly became this grey person, like a hollowed out shell of what you were. You walked around with this shadow in your eye that I couldn't quite find the source of. When I heard about Avery, I figured it out."

"Why did you never say anything?"

Regulus reached across to try and take Barty's hand, but Barty snatched it away. "I wanted to," he said quietly. "But I could see how much it affected you. I wanted you to tell me yourself...I wanted you to tell me when _you_ were ready. Barty..." Barty looked up, and saw that Regulus's eyes were brimming with tears. "I hated him for what he did to you. _Really_ , I did. But I didn't want to make your pain any worse."

Barty let his fingers creep towards Regulus, and their hands connected. "I wanted to kill him," Barty said darkly, focusing his gaze on Regulus's fingers. "When I left Hogwarts, I was overcome with this urge to murder him. But I never found him."

"You didn't need to kill him," Regulus replied. "He already died."

"How?" Barty shot, a glimmer of hope passing through his chest. Was that the spark of his heart restarting?

Regulus's eyes glittered darkly. "They say it was an accident."

Barty raised both of his eyebrows, but he didn't question Regulus. He never pegged his best friend as a bad person, but he supposed that anyone could be driven towards such malevolence. He allowed Regulus to edge closer and pull Barty into an embrace. "I know you're not ready to...take our relationship further," Regulus murmured, speaking into Barty's hair. "I know you're scared. _I'm_ scared too, but I know you have a lot to fear."

"Regulus, I don't know if I'll ever be ready," Barty whispered honestly. "I'm afraid that you'll hate me if I don't put out."

"I could never hate you," Regulus replied. "Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, especially not _our_ relationship." He paused. "So long as I have you, that's enough for me."

Barty smiled and burrowed his face into his boyfriend's chest. He could feel the spark in his chest beginning to grow and spread, as though it was warming his entire body.

He felt like he was coming alive again.


End file.
